Sexual Desires
Sexual desires are an important part of God’s plan for men and women. But Satan always tries to derail God’s plans and use them to destroy people rather than bless them. This is especially true in this area. In this article we want to understand what the Bible tells us about purity and how this should or should not be expressed in our lives especially as it relates to the subject of masturbation.
Sexual desires usually begin in puberty. The age of puberty can vary substantially but normally takes place during a person’s early teens. Girls can face this up to several years earlier than boys. In the best of all worlds, this doesn’t need to create a serious problem. Children should be taught enough about themselves that they understand what is happening to them. Parents should teach them about the Biblical standard of purity so they have a reason to avoid experimentation.
However, this world leaves a lot to be desired. Parents don’t always do their part. Peers sometimes share knowledge that children could handle better once they are more mature. Occasionally they stumble into discoveries that lead to a regular practice of masturbation or other moral failures. Unfortunately, the more that sexual desires are gratified through masturbation and immorality, the stronger they grow. They can become almost uncontrollable, as many people can testify.
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul speaks to this. The first sixteen verses of this chapter speak about marriage and sexual desire within marriage. However, Paul realized that there were cases where a man or woman was married, and then their partner died. He advised such people to remain unmarried. But he also knew that sexual desires could be very strong, especially for those who were accustomed to regularly experiencing this release. Because of this, he gave permission for remarriage. The way he worded this is interesting and tells us something about sexual desire. He said, in verse 9, that “if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Corinthians 7:9)
While he doesn’t explicitly name masturbation in this passage, he seems to be referring to it when he speaks of having self-control. The term, burn with passion, is very descriptive of what many people face. For instance, one girl called our phone team begging for help and prayer. She felt that she just couldn’t give up her immoral relationship. Yet she realized that it was wrong, so she wondered about getting release from her desires by masturbation. When the advisor tried to help her see that this really wasn’t an answer, she almost cried. “Why does God torture me like this?” she asked. In other words, why does God give her these strong desires, then tell her it is wrong to fulfill them.
The problem is that a misused sexual desire grows exponentially in strength, and she was “burning with passion” because she had let her desires gain control of her. It was part of the reaping for the life she was living.
The hippies in the 1960s and 70s had a story that explained this problem.
One day a young man was walking through the jungle and found a baby monkey. It was cute and friendly, so he took it with him and taught it to ride on his shoulder. He would feed it bananas and they became good friends. The young man enjoyed the relationship and the monkey did too.
But the monkey kept growing as time went on. It became bigger and heavier. Finally, one day the young man decided that he would like to eat a banana himself. So, he peeled it and took a bite. But the monkey squealed angrily and reached down and took the banana from the young man. After that the monkey was in control and what had been a pleasure to the young man became bondage. Soon the monkey was demanding more and even more bananas as the young man stumbled miserably down the jungle trails.
Lust and Passion
Desire by itself is not sin. But James 1:15 tells us that “when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin.” A desire can very easily lead to sin. Like other God-given desires, sexual desires can get out of control.
We call such an out-of-control sexual desire lust. The Bible uses the word lust many times. In Matthew 5:28, Jesus said, “whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” At this point the natural desire has intensified to the point of becoming a sin. It controls your thoughts as you look at a woman walking past or sitting across the table. It has become a “burning passion.” (This is also true of women lusting after men, and people lusting after someone of the same sex.)
Lust can easily lead to masturbation and makes it sinful. By then the person is burning with passion and there is no stopping them.
Many innocent things beyond our control can stir up our natural desires. If it stops at that and we keep our desires under control, the desire can drain harmlessly away. But if we allow our thoughts to get out of control or start fantasizing about a picture or a person that we have seen, then we are letting lust control us. Watching porn or reading explicit literature will do the same.
Unfortunately, lust and passion can get a terrible grip on us. Like the story of the monkey illustrates, what we once did for pleasure ends up becoming an uncontrollable bondage.
Sexual Desire and Marriage
God has given us marriage as a legitimate outlet for sexual desire. But even within marriage, sexual desire can be misused. For instance, I Corinthians 7 makes it clear that each marriage partner is responsible to consider the desire of their partner, not just their own. The man who initiates marital intimacy primarily to please himself is selfish. But the man who is concerned about pleasing his wife fulfills the truth being taught in this passage.
This passage also makes it clear that married people should not feel guilty about their intimate relationships. In fact, it clearly tells them not to defraud each other. If a husband and wife heed these verses, both of them will have little reason to struggle with the temptation of masturbation.
Sexual Desire and Being Single
The last part of 1 Corinthians 7 speaks to unmarried people. Paul makes it clear that marriage is not wrong. He also states that a person who stays single will be able to serve God in a way that married people often can’t. Service in the work of the Lord is possible within either reality.
The Christian who stays single is married to God, in a sense. He can use all his energies to serve God. In fact, because he is not using his sex drive for its normal purpose, he will have more energy to devote to God’s work. Masturbation, on the other hand, will deplete this strength. It will divert his thoughts from pleasing God to pleasing himself. Lust will fill his thoughts, and he will find himself in spiritual bondage, burning with passion, and overwhelmed with lust and guilt.
The Bible has no passage that says, “Thou shalt not masturbate.” But the Christian single needs to dedicate his (or her) life to God and not steal the “strength of their youth” from God for selfish gratification.
“Be an example of the believers… in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12)
Freedom!
Today, people tend to look at sexual gratification as being a right rather than a privilege. The idea that self-gratification is a sin is resisted by much of society. This is the concept that leads to promoting the LGBT agenda, transgender practices, acceptance of divorce and remarriage, recreational sex, and masturbation.
In reality, however, the need to allow God to control our desires is very important in the Christian life. Almost all God-given desires are wrong if they aren’t controlled. Most of them are too much for us to handle on our own. The help of friends and family is necessary and very beneficial, but even more than that, we need God’s help. When we give the control of our lives over to Him, we can enjoy freedom from sin and the peace of living in His will.
“Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me” (Psalms 51:10)
73 Responses
My name is Meagan and during high school I burned with sexual desire so badly I thought there was a demon inside me. I naively thought at that time that as long as I didn’t have vaginal intercourse my hymen would stay intact. I was convinced by friends in my church that having oral and anal sex preserved my virginity and was not therefore a sin against God. So my intense sexual cravings were allowed to be fulfilled by offering oral and anal sex to various boys and older men during that time period. Most of these boys and older men were from my church and they were very convincing in their logic that I was able to sexually gratify them without sinning against God. I believe now that they took advantage of my love of the Lord but also knew of my burning sexual desires. I am now 20 years old and still a virgin but I feel disgusted with myself for having illicit relationships with various men who are also married and active in the church. I want my sexual desire to be exterminated as punishment for my sins and have looked into getting circumcised so I no longer can feel sexual pleasure. I think this will solve my sinful desires, help stop me from masturbating because I will no longer feel anything from it, and this will all bring me closer to purity and righteousness with the Lord. I am feeling at peace with this decision.
Hi Meagan, I’m sorry that you experienced such betrayal by your church community. Certainly this kind of sexual predation and dishonesty brings reproach on the name of Christ, and judgment is waiting for such men if they do not repent, Peter warns;
As far as circumcision, I think you will regret that after a time. The early church father Origen is said to have done something similar and regretted it ever after. Scripture urges us to “cut off” the things that cause us to sin (hand or eye) but this seems most likely to be intended as metaphor. Instead, I would encourage you to find a spiritual church community, and a spiritual mentor or mentors to help you break the deep rooted addiction and habit that you are experiencing, and help you recover a healthy sexuality that honors God.
I don’t think circumcision can solve the issue, this honest heart of repentance has been seen favoured to God. Now since you’ve admitted the right and wrong and have turned to God’s commandments, the heaven is rejoicing!
All praise to God!
Get out of that “church” asap*** unless one repents and is born again of the Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ, they can’t see God. Read John 3:3-7 KJV and the go to Acts 2:38 KJV *** The indwelling of the Holy Spirit is key to overcoming sinful, fleshly battles. Precious Testimonies Channel on YouTube is helpful too. Keep striving for Jesus Christ and don’t give up.
Im a little confused by this. Why does it say in the word not to deny each other if it is only for the other person? I understand the ultimate selfless love ideal you are trying to communicate but its really a stretch and I know the Lord wants us to make a stretch but this appears to possibly be some personal ideal interjection because if it is it actually could make people feel more hopeless about marriage meeting the need that they feel. It did me.
Im a little confused by this. Why does it say in the word not to deny each other if it is only for the other person? I understand the ultimate selfless love ideal you are trying to communicate but its really a stretch and I know the Lord wants us to make a stretch but this appears to possibly be some personal ideal interjection because if it is it actually could make people feel more hopeless about marriage meeting the need that they feel. It did me.
I believe you have a point. If you just meet your spouses need and don’t really enjoy it it takes away the enjoyment from the other. Spouses don’t want sex with martyrs. The best thing is to talk together what you like and don’t like so you can receive and give.
This article has helped me a lot. I have struggled with masturbation most of my life since puberty. I am now married for 6 years and have 3 kids. My husband is deployed for a year and left at the beginning of this month. I had been so busy with the kids and church that i hadn’t even thought of sex until a few days ago. And when the urge hit, it hit hard. And sure enough i found myself masturbating for no reason. I repented to God and said i would do my best to not fall victim again. But just as sin works, i got a video call from my husband and he expressed that he had been having urges too. Needless to say there was some phone-sex involved. I hate to be so vulgar but i really need some clarity. I felt horrible immediately afterwards. I guess my question would be what is a married and very devoted Christian to do when sexual urges take over in the marriage and both spouses are not near each other?
This is a tough question. But Paul addressed it in a sense in the first part of 1 Corinthians 7. Your sexual desire is intended to be used to fulfil your husbands desire, and your husband’s to fulfill yours. Paul went on to say, don’t defraud each other. But if you can’t be together devote yourself to prayer during that time and then come back together. I’m probably stretching this, but I don’t see Paul saying that your husband can give you permission to masturbate, or the other way around. Paul ends his statement in v. 5 by warning that Satan will tempt you because of a lack of self-control. You’ve experienced this. Could you share your feelings with your husband? And then the two of you could commit yourselves to celibacy until he returns?
I don’t see a problem personally apart from legalism. They are both obviously sexual people. If he is away I don’t see any problem with phone sex or whatever being as it is only between them. With regard to masturbation it depends who you are thinking of. If it is your spouse I don’t think that is a sin but it is probably better if done together on a phone. It’s a way of coming together and will keep them both from wrong thoughts about others.
This is my personal though as I ask the Holy Ghost to lead me with what to write to you. I have struggled with pornography, lust, looking at dirty magazines at a young age, the reason, I believe it was due the spirit of lust my father was dealing with, knowingly or unknowingly, he had an impact on me within my spirit.
When a person masturbates, unsaved or saved, they open spiritual portals through porn, magazines, which in a sense is a form of idolatry, sin of immorality which they perform against his or her own body.
I noticed when I did masturbate, I was becoming more and more enticed to do it because of the feeling and in my case it became fornication, adultery while watching porn, fantasizing or imagining myself having sex with that individual.
I know this is not your case, but I believe we weaken ourselves spiritually as a christian, giving the devil a foot hold in our life to attack in this area of our lives in our mind, heart and spirit.
I begin to pray in the Holy Ghost, renouncing the sin of masturbation or any other Immoral sin after being convicted by the Holy Spirit, asking the Lord to burn those immoral desires and feeling the need to masturbate with the Holy Fire, the Holy anointing power of the Holy Spirit, for it is not by our strength, might or power, but by the Spirit of God that defeats, destroys the works of the enemy through the Blood of Jesus, in and through the Holy Ghost.
God bless you, as the Lord is delivering me from the stronghold of Immoral lust, to fully serve him, assisting other struggling Christians, that it will be by the Spirit of God, the Blood of Jesus, staying in God’s word daily, prayer, praise and worship, submitting to God first, then resisting the ???? devil, then the desires of the Lord will become your desires, as your guard yourself with the full armor of God. I will pray your success through the Blood of Jesus, in the Holy Ghost. God bless, Ephesians 6:10-18.
Maranatha, Shalom, Shalom!
I do not believe that touching yourself together with your husband is a sin. You’re obviously in a trusting committed relationship, you’re a married couple. You’re making love through the camera. That’s building proximity not the opposite. You’re apart because of work not because you are fasting or for prayer commitments. The Lord blesses married couples during this time apart not having video sex will be an unnecessary burden. That’s when Satan tempts when couples stop satisfying each other emotional and physical needs.
I agree with that wholeheartedly. The scriptures did not have our technology so it is up to us to work the word out in our situation.
Hi, I’m 29 years Old Korean Male Christian.
(Sorry for my lack of english)
If sex desire is God’s bless that limited to married christian, there’s no way that unmarried christian resolve their desire.
Bible says If someone can’t control your sex desire,
let them marry, so they can resolve esire through god’s blessed plan.
But I don’t know if it’s right to marry only for the purpose of relieving one’s desires.
As Bible says in 1 Timothy 4:12,
to unmarried christian,
There’s no room for sexual desire
(even If it’s just self masturbation)
If someone who is Christian has no intention of getting married, he or she must endure their desire during the rest of their life.
Sex desire is God’s blessed desire,
So It must be resolved by married relationship
that God intended.
I think that’s Bible’s perspective.
Perhaps the reason why there is no direct reference of masturbation in the Bible is that God has given man free will.
And I’m Male Christian who has no intention of getting married, so I make a resolve that I will endure this desire until end of my life.
I think this point is very cruel, but I understand.
But sometimes I feel like I’m not living man by this
point.(I mean, living but dead man)
What dedicate my everything and power means
there’s no more my life,
My body died, and The Holy Spirit of God lives in Me.
So Isn’t this mean that There’s no more my
room to enjoy my secular hapiness?
Of course I know that God lead me to this point
to let me free of secular hapiness,
and lead me to real hapiness.
But also this situation makes me a compulsive man
that cannot afford to spare about this world.
Is it really true that Christian doesn’t have his own freedom without guility?
Still confused.
Please share your opinion.
You might want to read 1 Corinthians 7. Paul gives some general guidance about some of these subjects. He might not use the word masturbation but I think he refers to it several times throughout the chapter. It is fairly clear that marriage is the godly way to find release from these desires. I know this is easy for a married man to say but much harder to put into practice when you are single. But the Bible also refers to people making themselves eunuchs for the sake of Christ. I think this means that they deprive themselves of sex and marriage so they can serve Christ better. [see Matthew 19:12]
I read Corinthians 7, and Matthew 19:12.
so, By depriving themselves of sex and marriage,
Christian unmarried Male can be freed from sex desire.
Then can be more focused on God’s plan..
And It will mean killing my physical ego.
Yeah,It’s easier said than done.
There was a time when I thought God is an infinitely warm existence.
That thinking is being broken little by little.
It’s like God’s plan to put down one’s lingering feelings about the world and make heaven want more.
I know, Christian’s right path is always narrow, and cruelly hard.
I’ll try..